Un masked
by Bagpipedesaster
Summary: Starting with the scene at Sniffy's, Ep 5x3, this noncanon story is about the beginning of Luke and Lorelai's relationship. Chapter 5 and epilogue up. This story is now COMPLETE.
1. I'm in, am I?

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters.

A/N: This is completely non canon. Lorelai has been with Max, but never got to the marrying part, and she's been with Jason too. Christopher is Rory's father and a friend, nothing more. Luke's last question at that table at "Sniffy's" and something Lorelai said when Luke showed her that old bedroom in a later episode made me think of this. I didn't want to write it, but it keeps popping up and so I gave in.

Rating is for upcoming chapter.

UN – MASKED

Their first actual date. Luke had taken her to this little restaurant. Obviously a place that was special to him. He

seemed to be pretty close to the owners and due to their saying, he had never "brought a girl".

Lorelai realised, that as long as she might have known Luke, he was still good for a surprise or two. She was

looking at one of them right now. Unable to speak at first. The electricity that had been between them the

whole evening formed into a warm knot in her stomach.

"I can't believe you kept this! You kept this in your wallet…..kept this in your wallet…"

"…Eight years", Luke confirmed. He looked her directly in those unbelievable blue eyes, trying to let her see

what he found to be so hard to put in words.

"Eight years…" Lorelai echoed, not hiding the impact his words had on her.

Yeah, Luke thought, eight years. Eight years of secretly wanting to be with her. Eight years of seeing her date

other men and running from each relationship before it became too serious. He had watched her struggling to

find the balance between the need to be with someone and the urge to push everyone away that came too

close. He had tried to let her know that he would be there whenever she was ready. That he was the one she

could count on, without question, without having to give something in return. Whenever she called for help, he

was there. And even when she didn't, he did everything possible to be around, in case she might need him. He

knew better than to push matters. He had seen her bolt too often. Over the years he had come to believe that

her pushing people away was an act of self-defence. How he knew he had no idea. He just did, just as he knew

that her machine-gun talking was her way to hide her insecurities. He had always sensed that she was by far

more fragile than she would ever admit. He had seen the effects her fights with Emily had on her and how

subconsciously she felt she was not good enough to be loved by her mother. As if a child should have to earn

the right to be loved. From the bits and pieces that she had told him by now, he could imagine how tough

she'd had to be on herself. Being pregnant so young, raising the child, Rory, without her parents help, without

a partner she could lean on. And all the time she was strong for her daughter and did everything possible to

appear to be happy, if not a bit crazy, and self-confident. In his eyes she was the most remarkable woman he

had ever met, and the most beautiful.

And now it looked like he would finally get the chance to be the man that she needed.

He had folded the horoscope and put it back into his wallet.

"Lorelai, this thing we're doing here, me, you….I just want you to know that I am in, I am all in."

Lorelai for once in her life didn't know what to say. The way Luke looked at her clearly showed that he was

serious about this. He wanted a decision for life. "It's fine," she told herself, "I've already made up my mind

about this. I'm not going to screw it this time, not with Luke."

When she didn't respond, Luke, his eyes never straying from hers, continued.

"Does that……are you…….scared?"

Lorelai had to break eye-contact. He didn't know, he couldn't know. She had spent most of her live keeping

up the image of the self-confident and open minded, independent woman. Sure, Luke knew her better that

almost anybody else, except for Rory, but he couldn't know _that_.

He couldn't know how many hours she had spent thinking of exactly this situation, wondering what she

should do. People had been telling her that Luke "had a thing" for her for a long time, but she had refused to

believe it. She had successfully avoided seeing more than a friend in him. Until they had danced at Liz's and

TJ's wedding. There, in his arms, moving closer and closer while they danced, she had felt so good, so safe.

And she had suddenly known that she was ready now, that she could do this. This time, she wouldn't bail out.

She still wasn't able to talk, so instead she looked back up to meet Luke's gaze. The warmth and care she saw

in his eyes made it easy for her to smile for him.

She knew that she would have to go all the way this time. Leaving, when things got too personal was not an

option. It had hurt to end her relationships with Max and Jason before things got critical. She had felt

miserable and lonely, had known damn well, that she did them wrong, but it had been a fair trade for some

time of almost leading a normal live. And it had helped to keep the picture right for Rory.

But with Luke, it couldn't be that way. He was too important for her, for her and for Rory.

She would have to tell him. She didn't know how yet, but she would have to let him see how she really was.

"It will be okay," she tried to calm herself; "This is Luke. The one guy you trust more than anybody else in the

world. It will be okay, it has to."

Tbc


	2. Personal Mantra

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters.

X

For now she was glad that Luke didn't seem to expect an answer.

For the rest of the evening, Lorelai tried to push the unsettling thoughts of what she would have to do later

aside. She enjoyed the Champaign, a nice meal and Luke's company.

Every now and then, she caught him looking at her in a way that made her feel special and wanted, and it made

her nervous at the same time.

But she did okay. She wouldn't let her past spoil her future, her future with Luke. Now – that sounded nice.

Her future with Luke.

Luke found Lorelai to be uncommonly quiet and thoughtful. She tried not to let it show, but he knew her well

enough, he could tell. And even though he really wanted to know what was on her mind, he respected her

effort to turn this into a nice evening. So he played along and didn't ask. He wanted her to be comfortable and

happy.

On their way back to Stars Hollow Lorelai started to get nervous again.

"Now stop this," she reasoned, "you wanted this. It will be okay."

This would be her personal mantra for the rest of the night.

"It's Luke, it will be okay," that should work. She could do this.

Luke had parked in front of the diner. He looked at her and she knew he asked her if she wanted to come in.

He understood her unspoken answer and got out of the car, came to her door and opened it for her. He

locked the doors and hand in hand they crossed the street.

Lorelai could feel and hear her heart beat loud as a drum. This was exiting. Exiting in a wonderful and

disturbing way. Luke unlocked the door and let her enter before him.

"Do you want coffee?" he asked.

"No, thanks."

Lorelai was afraid that her heart, already going at something like 200 beats per minute, would start to misfire if

she added caffeine to the mixture of want and love and hope and fear that was boiling inside of her.

Luke was standing right in front of her and looking at her in a way that made her melt. No one had ever looked

at her the way he did. She had never felt the way she did when he looked at her.

Luke opened his arms for her and with a soft sigh she came to him and he held her the way that only he did.

He was all around her. She leaned against his broad chest and smelled his masculine scent.

"How often in one lifetime can one person melt?" she wondered.

"And how can a simple embrace make you feel so safe and loved and cared for?"

The wonders of being with Luke.

Luke placed a light kiss on her hair that made her look up. Their eyes met and she was lost in the warmth and

affection she saw.

"Are you feeling alright?" he asked with this deep soft voice she loved to hear so much.

"How can this not be a dream?" she thought, her emotions boiling up. She couldn't talk so she just nodded

her head.

He came closer to her face and brushed her lips with is. Lorelai closed her eyes and savoured the delicate

feeling. When Luke started nibbling her lower lip she couldn't help but respond. Giving and taking, lost in a

world of their own, their kissing grew more and more passionate.

Eventually they had to part to catch some air. Luke still held Lorelai close and she could feel his heart beat at

almost the same pace as hers. This was so good, it felt so right. She couldn't think of any possible way to be

happier than she was right now.

"Do you want to join me upstairs?"

He caught himself holding his breath while he awaited her answer. He knew what he wanted. He wanted to

make love to her, wanted to give her all the tenderness and pleasure she deserved, wanted to let her feel how

much he loved her.

But he also knew he only wanted this if she did too. If she wasn't ready for this next step in their relationship

yet, he would of course respect that. He would need a long, cold shower, but he'd rather take that than make

her do something she didn't really want. And there had been hints of her not being completely comfortable

with the physical aspects of a relationship. He wanted to give her the chance to leave right now if she wanted

to.

Lorelai almost hadn't heard him, so low was his voice. Before her mind could even process what he had said,

she felt an iron clamp clutch her heart.

"It's Luke, it will be okay. It's Luke, it will be okay. It's Luke, it will be okay," she tried to keep her mind

from switching to auto-pilot.

"I want this. I want to be with Luke. I can do this."

She nodded her approval and Luke led her upstairs. Once they were in his apartment and the door was closed

again, he turned her to face him.

He didn't touch her, held her with his eyes.

"You sure you want this?" he asked, wanting to touch and feel her so badly it almost hurt.

Lorelai looked down. Her mind was spinning.

"Yes…no…yes. It's Luke, it will be okay."

She looked up at him again.

"Yes, yes I'm sure," she said barely above a whisper.

And then, not trusting her willpower to maintain control much longer, she made the step that closed the gap

between them, wrapped her arms around Luke's neck and kissed him. Kissing was good. Kissing was

common ground. She loved to kiss Luke. She loved the way he held her when they kissed, the way he held her

now.

Luke didn't need more of an invitation. He placed soft kisses all over her face, trailed down to the side of her

neck, then up to nibble at her ear.

His hands moved up and down her back and then to the sides of her breasts. He looked up to see how she

reacted.

Lorelai's eyes were closed. She enjoyed the sensation his roaming hands and lips caused. When she noticed

he didn't move anymore she opened them and saw hunger and want in his gaze. His eyes were dark with

desire and she felt a familiar, yet unwelcome unease crawl up her spine.

"It's Luke, it will be okay," she silently recited.

Not giving herself the chance to change her mind, she kissed him again. And then, pushing her limits, she

started to unbutton his shirt.

They took turns undressing each other, kissing, caressing and exploring each newly exposed part of their

bodies.

Whenever Lorelai felt her insecurities trying to grab a hold of her again, she repeated her mantra.

This way they made it to the bed where they lay side by side. Luke had his head propped on his arm and

looked down at her.

"God, she's so beautiful," he thought, wondering what he had done to deserve the privilege to be with her.

Touching her only with his fingertips, he trailed over her brows, her nose, the delicate line of her lips and down

along her neck. Then he cupped her left breast with his large hand. Letting it rest there and feeling her nipple

grow hard under his palm, he looked into her face.

Her eyes were closed, she didn't move.

"You're a goddess," he whispered with a voice trembling with held back passion.

Lorelai was lost. She felt like she was on a roller coaster ride. Luke's hands felt so good against her skin. And

the ghosts from her past warned her that this was just an illusion. She wanted to feel and touch Luke, wanted

him to keep on exploring her body and feed the tingling feeling inside her stomach. And she wanted to jump

and scream and run, to get back to the safety of Luke being her buddy, her platonic friend again.

"It's Luke, it will be okay."

She opened her eyes, needed confirmation it really was Luke. The way he looked at her made her happy and

gave her the reassurance she needed.

She reached up and put her hand over his, still resting on her breast. Then she trailed up along his arm, feeling

his muscles and wondering how someone so strong could be so gentle.

Encouraged by her action, Luke started to gently caress her left breast with his hand while kissing and gently

sucking the other.

Lorelai felt like she was having an out of body experience. While she still was fighting to keep bad memories

from torturing her, her body developed a life of its own. She kind of watched herself arch up against his hand

and lips.

Now Luke's hand moved further south and while some part of her couldn't wait for him to touch her where

she felt she needed him most, she felt her mind losing the battle to fight back fear.

When his hand reached its destination, he felt her tense. He wouldn't have noticed if he hadn't secretly

expected something like this to happen.

She had been unusually quiet the whole evening, and every now and then, when their eyes had met he had

meant to have seen something that could only be described as fear. But it never had been there long enough

for him to be sure.

He looked up to study her facial expression now and there it was. He closed his eyes for a moment to calm

him. Then he reached up and gently caressed her hair.

It took a few moments before Lorelai realised that she was back on safer grounds. She opened her eyes to

find out, what was going on and found Luke look at her in a way that almost made her cry.

He stopped stroking her hair and just laid watching her for a while. Then he leaned in and gave her the softest

kiss.

"What's wrong?" she asked, not sure of what was happening.

Luke still held her gaze and his eyes showed warmth and want and tenderness and something else. Sadness, he

looked sad.

"Luke?"

He reached out and began to stroke her hair again.

"When did you want to stop me?"

Tbc


	3. Confessions to Self

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters

A/N: I see this story is on quite a few alert and favourite lists. Thank you for that. Since I'm relatively new in the Gilmore universe, I really would like to get your feedback on this one so I'll know what I can do better with the next story. Please review.

And now, on goes the tale:

X

"What?" Lorelai was sure she'd heard him wrong.

"I want to know, how much longer you were going to let me go on," Luke said, still stroking her hair lightly.

"I don't understand." Lorelai was confused.

She couldn't bear to meet his gaze. This wasn't going the way she'd planned.

"I thought you wanted to…" she whispered.

"More than you'll ever know," he confirmed, "but this is not going to be the way it should be, as long as you are scared."

Lorelai sat up and tucked the blanket around her. "I'm not scared." She did the best she could to sound convincing.

Luke gently ran a hand down her back.

"Yes, you are." He sat up too and reached out to make her face him. "Tell me what's going on."

Lorelai couldn't look at him. He knew her far better than she had expected. But how could she tell him? How could she tell him what she had refused to admit to herself most of the time?

Luke didn't move. He needed her to talk to him. And he knew how difficult it would be to make her, if she didn't want to.

"Lorelai, listen. I want to be with you in every possible way. I want to be your partner, your lover, your companion, I want it all. But I need to know what's on your mind. I need to know why you're scared to make love with me."

"I'm not…"

"Stop it. And if you really want to tell me that you are not scared, then look at me when you do."

Lorelai knew she was defeated. And as she had so many times before, she chose to strike first, to defend herself.

"I don't want to talk about it. Why did you have to bring this up? Everything was going well. I was doing okay, I had everything under control. Why did you stop?"

There we go,´ Luke thought.

He kept his voice even, when he answered: "I stopped because I don't want to hurt you, and I don't want to scare you. I stopped because I know something is wrong and I just can't pretend it isn't.

You said that you had everything under control. It doesn't work that way, Lorelai. Not when you're with me. If you want someone who can ignore the fact that the woman he loves and makes love to needs all her willpower to keep from running, you'll have to find someone else.

I can't do that. Talk to me, Lorelai. We can work it out. Whatever it is, we'll find a way to deal with it. But talk to me, please."

Lorelai felt dizzy. Her eyesight was blurred with tears that were welling up. How does your defence work, when you're not being attacked?

She didn't want him to see her cry, and she couldn't tell him. If she did, who knew if he would still want to be with her? She needed to get out of here, needed to think.

Lorelai got up and started to get dressed.

Luke just watched her silently. He wanted to get up and stop her from leaving. He wanted to hold her and comfort her and tell her everything was okay.

But it wasn't. How could he give her what she needed, when she didn't trust him enough to tell him what she feared?

Lorelai somehow got home. Her head was spinning and she couldn't think.

'I should feel bad,' she thought. But she didn't feel anything at all. On her way to the kitchen to get a glass of water, she saw the light on the answering machine blink and absentmindedly pushed the button.

"Lorelai."

Luke's voice stopped her in her tracks.

"Letting you leave like this was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I need you to know that I'm still in. I want this, want us to happen. And nothing you could possibly tell me would change that. So, when you're ready to talk, you know where to find me."

Lorelai went on to the kitchen, drank a glass of water and then went upstairs and to bed. She needed sleep. Sleep would be good.

But as soon as she closed her eyes, she could feel Luke's hands on her skin. Touching her so tenderly, feeling so wonderful. And she could see the sad expression in his eyes. She'd made him sad. She had never wanted to.

And suddenly she knew the reason why she had persistently refused to believe that Luke could want to be more than a friend. She just couldn't risk taking the chance with him. She couldn't tell him and maybe have to face the fact that he didn't want to be with her anymore.

Now you're being stupid,' she told herself. You'll never have the chance to be with him if you don't tell him.'

True, but this way, she could have him around as a friend, and she could fantasize about how things could be.

Yeah, but if you gave it a try, what you dreamed about could come true,' she challenged herself.

And to be honest, she had already made her mind up about this a while ago. She even remembered the exact moment when she suddenly had known that she wanted to be with Luke. That he could be the one worth giving up her disguise for.

She just hadn't thought it would be so hard. Had tried to cheat a little, to pretend everything was okay and hope to find out it was.

But now she had to admit, that this never had a chance to work out. Even if everything had gone as she had planned, there would still be something standing between her and Luke. And she would still be afraid that someday he would find out. And she…

Lorelai jumped out of her bed and into her clothes. She hurried back to the diner, not giving herself the chance to change her mind again.

She reached up and took the key down from over the door. Then she stood in front of his apartment door.

She took a deep breath and knocked.

She could hear him approach the door. He opened and looked at her questioningly.

She forced herself to look him in the eyes. She wanted to step forward and have him hold her and make her feel safe, but something else had to be done first.

"I want to talk. I want you to know, and I don't want to be scared anymore."

There you go. It was out.

Luke stepped back and held the door open for her to enter.

"Come in," he said.

Tbc


	4. Letting him in

A/N: I don't own the characters...

Letting him in

Lorelai stepped into the apartment. Luke closed the door behind her and went over to the kitchen table.

"Want to sit?" he asked.

"No…I'm too nervous to sit." Lorelai tried to gather her thoughts.

"Luke, I don't know how to do this."

Luke reached out and pulled her into his arms. He wished he could make this easier for her.

"Just spew. I'll make sense of it, don't worry."

Lorelai stayed in his arms for a few moments longer, trying to draw strength from his warm embrace.

Then she stepped back. "Can I ask you something first?"

"Anything!"

She went over to the sink and looked trough the window into the dark for a while, before she turned around.

"How did you know?"

Luke sat down at the table.

"I won't say I knew. It was more like an inkling. I saw you with Max and Jason. You always seemed to have

something like an invisible wall around you."

Lorelai turned back to the window.

"And more than once I saw you smile a smile that never reached your eyes. You always keep people at a

distance.

But none of that would have led me to think that you were scared. I don't know how I know. I was never sure.

I could have also been wrong. I sure wish I was."

Luke wished he could explain it better. He wished he could find the words to tell her how many times he had

seen her pain, how many times he had wanted to hold her and tell her he was there and it would be okay. And

how he had known he couldn't do that because it would break the balance between weakness and pride, self-

preservation and self-deception, that she spent so much effort keeping up.

Lorelai thought about Luke's words for a moment. He was by far more observant than she had expected. And

he added up the little things he saw and that way knew more about her than she had wanted anybody to know.

But maybe it was good the way it was. No, it definitely was good.

She knew she couldn't have lasted like this much longer. She had kept going for Rory. But her daughter was

grown-up now, didn't need her as much as she used to anymore.

And even though she liked her life, her job, her friends, her home, she couldn't fight back the nagging feeling

of something missing anymore.

She wanted to belong to somebody. Wanted it so badly, it hurt. Rory belonged to her, but she belonged to

nobody.

"It happened when Rory was 19 months old."

She spoke matter-of-factly, wondering when she had decided to start talking.

And then she told him about that evening that changed not only her life, but changed her. Changed her from

being strong, rebellious and hungry for life, to being a mere survivor.

She told him how, on her way back home from work, the attacker had held a knife against her throat from

behind and forced her into his car. How he had driven to an abandoned property out of town, how he had

touched her and humiliated her and raped her, and about how all the time she just thought that she had to

survive this. She had to survive for her daughter, for Rory.

And survive she did.

She told him how she had been able to push all thoughts of what had happened away at first. How then

loneliness had become a constant in her life.

She talked about how she later had started to flirt again, even to date, just to make believe everything could be

back to normal again for a while. Of course she'd had to end each of these relationships as soon as they came

to a point where she would have had to explain what she even didn't fully understand herself. And she had felt

bad, knowing how unfair she'd treated the men in her life.

She explained how her rule of not bringing her dates home had helped her keep the picture right for Rory.

Because she didn't want her problem to affect her daughter's future relationships.

She told him how every time she had a fight with Emily, she had not only been mad because of whatever the

fight was about, but also because she felt that her mother should have been the one she could talk to. But, the

way things had gone, that of course was not an option.

"I don't know how much longer I can go on, Luke," she admitted. "It's like my life is shattered and I put the

pieces back together, but I don't have glue, so I have to hold the pieces in place with my hands.

I have to be heedful all the time, because the slightest slack of attention would mean that everything, that I,

would fall apart. It's hard, so hard."

Lorelai closed her eyes. It was over. Now he knew who she really was. And all that was left for her to do was

to wait for his reaction.

"Maybe a second pair of hands could help," Luke softly said.

Lorelai couldn't tell when he had come to stand behind her, his arms wrapped around her, his hands now

holding hers. And she didn't know when she had started to cry.

"You mean you still want…" her voice trailed off.

Luke took one step back and turned her around to face him. Their eyes met and Lorelai could see the answer.

The way he looked at her planted a new feeling in her heart. There still was fear, but there now also was joy

and hope.

Lorelai turned her eyes down and took a deep breath.

"Make love to me, Luke," she said, hardly above a whisper.

Luke took her hands again and kissed them.

"Shhh, take it easy. There's no need to hurry…"

"No," Lorelai interrupted him, "I don't want to wait. I don't want to be scared anymore. I want to sleep with

you, unless you…."

"Don't go there!" Luke's voice was harsh. "Do you really think I am that kind of person?"

"No, I'm sorry! This is a new situation for me. Makes me say strange things. Things that I don't want to say,

that I don't even want to think. I know you're not like that Luke, I really do."

Luke released her hands and took a few steps away from her.

"So, you're not scared anymore?" he asked.

"I don't want to be," Lorelai answered, but she knew she didn't sound too convincing.

"Do you trust me?"

"Yes, yes I do." This time she could at least believe what she said herself.

Luke turned a chair around, sat down and studied her with a thoughtful expression.

Lorelai felt like she was being mind-scanned. The way he looked at her, she was sure he could read her

thoughts.

"Luke, I am here, right? And I didn't have to ask you to…you know what, if I didn't want to. What else can I

do?" Lorelai felt slightly irritated. She shouldn't have to talk him into this.

"Show me that you trust me…"

"How…?" Lorelai didn't know what she was supposed to do. Did he want her to make the first move? Or

didn't he believe that she really wanted to sleep with him?

Luke interrupted her thoughts: "Take your clothes off."

His voice was controlled and calm.

'Wow,' Lorelai thought, 'he can't be serious.'

She looked at Luke, who sat at the table and watched her with this intense gaze that she had always liked, and

that now was a little scary.

"What?" Maybe she had heard him wrong.

"You said that you trust me…"

Lorelai shifted uncomfortably. "Yes, I do."

"Then take your clothes off," Luke repeated, sounding more demanding this time.

Lorelai swallowed hard. For a moment, she thought about leaving. But she wouldn't. She hadn't come this far

to quit now and his posture didn't show any sign of aggression or anger. She could do this, she wanted to do

this, she would.

She slowly took off her cardigan. Then she unbuttoned her jeans, not surprised to find her hands trembling.

When she had stepped out of the pants, she looked at Luke again, hoping he would do or say something to

break the tension.

But he just sat there watching her, his facial expression not giving away what he thought.

"Luke, I…"

"Shh, don't talk. Undress." His voice was still calm.

Lorelai took a deep breath and took off her t-shirt. Then she opened her bra and slowly stripped it off too.

She felt vulnerable and exposed. Her face was burning and she was slightly embarrassed.

'You're being stupid,' she reasoned with herself, 'this is Luke, the man you want to make love to. It should

feel okay.'

She forced herself to stay calm and removed the last piece of clothing.

And then she stood there in front of him, waiting and naked.

Luke got up and came to her. He let his eyes wander over her body, slowly, taking in every detail.

Lorelai could feel his gaze on her skin. A trace of warmth following the path his eyes took.

Luke nodded approvingly. "Perfect," he said.

Then he went to the bed and removed the comforters.

"Come here, lay down," his voice still was even and controlled.

Lorelai didn't know what to think anymore, but he obviously had cast some kind of spell over her, and before

she knew how she'd gotten there, she lay on the bed.

Luke stood at the foot of the bed and looked down at her. He knew had put her on the edge. He was playing a

dangerous game, taking a risk that she would leave and never give it a try again.

But he also knew that if she stayed now, they would really have a chance to work things out.

Lorelai had trouble breathing. The air felt thick and Luke's reticence added to her discomfort. She wanted to

ask him, to beg him to talk to her, but couldn't get a word out.

So she just lay there, paralysed by his stare and watched him watch her for what seemed to be forever.

Then, Luke slowly began to undress. Lorelai couldn't take her eyes off him. Standing there at her feet,

towering over her, he looked even taller than he already was.

In another situation, she would have marvelled at his well-muscled body. Now, she couldn't help but think of

what he could use his obvious physical strength for.

Now he moved, pushing one knee between her legs and leaned forward. He braced his hands on both sides of

her head and supported his weight on his arms and legs.

Their hips touched and Lorelai felt an immense heat eradiate from where their bodies met.

Lorelai held her breath. Luke's legs and arms immobilized her and his upper body hovering over her made her

feel helpless and small.

She searched his eyes, now almost black, vainly hoping to find comfort and encouragement.

She closed her eyes again and just when she thought she couldn't take it anymore, she heard Luke's voice,

soft and warm.

"Still scared?"

She felt relief. Spooky Luke had almost been too much for her.

"N…yes. Yes a little."

Luke's faint smile rewarded her for being honest.

"You were scary, all silent and unreadable," she continued, each word taking away some of the tension that

had been so hard to bear.

Luke looked down at her, his eyes now revealing his emotions.

"I would never hurt you."

"I know." And she really knew. He would never use his strength to harm her.

Luke lowered his head and kissed her. Then he rolled over to lay by her side. He started to explore her body

with his hands and lips. His gentle caress fired her senses, made her feel warm and accepted.

Lorelai laid there, eyes closed, and enjoyed the way he made her feel. She wanted to give something back, to

make him feel good too, but she was so occupied taking in all these new sensations that she could hardly

move.

The pleasurable tension that was building up became almost too much to bear. Instinctively, she knew where

relief would come from.

"Luke, please…" she pleaded.

He looked at her with a knowing smile.

"What do you want me to do?" he teased.

"I…I want you to…" she blushed. "I can't say…"

"I never thought I would hear something like that from you," Luke said with a smile in his voice.

"You're not exactly comfortable talking about intimate things either, mister," she argued.

"Not in public, that is true. But here, in a relationship, when it's just you and me, one on one," they both had

to smile when they noticed the double meaning of his words, "there's no such thing as a taboo. Everything

can be said, there's nothing to be ashamed of, okay?"

A wave of unfathomable love for this strong, gentle and empathetic man washed over Lorelai.

"I want to feel you…feel you inside me," she said under her breath.

And Luke kissed her deep and passionately before he moved to make her wish come true.

Tbc


	5. Learn to let go

Lorelai lay safe in Luke's arms. Her eyes were closed and a content little smile showed on her face while she

thought about what had just happened. She had slept with Luke and she had liked it. The ghosts of her past

had lost their power to control her life.

She had won back this aspect of her being. Or better, Luke had given it back to her.

He had been so gentle, so sensitive. He had moved slowly, had given her the time she needed to process the

flood of new and wonderful sensations he caused. And he had made sure she knew that he would stop at the

slightest sign of her being uncomfortable or scared.

And when he had finally joined with her, he hadn't been an intruder but a welcomed friend.

She loved how Luke had made her feel precious and cared for, she loved the bonding effect their lovemaking

had and to know that she could be his partner in every respect, and she loved Luke. Yeah, she loved Luke.

Lorelai moved to cuddle up even closer to him and slowly drifted off to sleep.

Luke held Lorelai close and listened to her breathing getting deeper and slower. She was sleeping in his arms.

'How can something so simple make you feel so good?' he wondered.

That whole evening had been an emotional roller coaster ride. The excitement of taking Lorelai out for their

first date, the uncertainty while waiting for her answer when he had asked her to come upstairs with him and

then the horrifying moment when he'd had to realize that his vague foreboding of something not going right

had been confirmed.

He recalled how helpless he had felt, how much it had hurt to know that she was scared, that something

traumatic must have happened in her past and that she didn't trust him enough to tell him.

And then he'd had to let her leave, because he knew it had to be her choice, that she had to make the decision

to open up to him, to trust him, to let him in.

And she did, she came back, and the feeling of hope and relief that took hold of him when she stood in his

door was soon substituted with anger and pity when she told him the reason for her fears.

He didn't let it show though, because he knew that anger might have stopped her from talking and pity would

have robbed her of her pride.

He had challenged her when it came to the subject of making love again. Had challenged her to leave or to lie

to him. He needed to be one hundred percent sure she knew what she was doing and that she really wanted it.

They had gone slowly. No sacrifice for him – he liked it slow anyway. He had enjoyed showing her how many

ways there were to give and receive pleasure. He knew she hadn't climaxed, but maybe that was to be

expected. She was so consumed by taking in all these new sensations and most likely not free of the disturbing

thoughts and memories that she couldn't let go of completely. Not yet.

He knew what a precious gift she had given him. She had offered him her trust, and herself. And he made a

promise to himself to never betray that trust.

Lorelai had the sweetest dream. She was with Luke, in his apartment, in his bed. And Luke was doing the most

wonderful things with her.

His hands were all over her body, finding sensitive spots she didn't even know existed. Each of his touches,

each of his kisses made her feel more like a woman, made her feel more complete.

She arched up against his hands, which were gently kneading her breasts. Now he pulled one nipple into his

mouth and teased it with a gentle suckling, sending waves of arousal through her whole body. His weight on

her felt good and she enjoyed the feeling of his skin on hers. Then he moved to please her other breast before

leaving a trail of kisses that led to the center of her passion.

She felt a sense of loss when his body didn't cover hers anymore, but it soon was replaced by a new,

overwhelming sensation.

Luke had settled between her legs and now let his tongue dance around her clit. The tension that was building

up was almost too much for her to bear. Her body started to rhythmically move in response to his caresses.

He watched her expression change from disbelief to sheer pleasure when she felt the rhythmic pulsing that

meant she had reached her peak.

Lorelai opened her eyes and Luke's face was just inches away from hers.

"Good morning precious," he said with a voice hoarse with desire.

"A good morning it is," Lorelai smiled lazily, dug her hands into his hair and pulled him into a deep kiss, "I've

been dreaming about you…"

Luke mischievously returned the smile.

"Oh, really? What was your dream about?"

"We were making love…I still feel…"

Luke shifted his weight so that she could feel his arousal between her legs.

"Oh…you mean…?"

Luke kissed her again. "Yup. Want to go on?"

Lorelai felt like she was drowning in his eyes. "I love you Luke."

"I love you too," Luke replied, removing her last traces of doubt.

"Open up for me," he whispered, and when she did, he joined her in one fluid, controlled motion.

Lorelai felt him deep inside her, soft steel, hard and gentle, filling her completely, body and soul.

He moved slowly, drawing out her pleasure more and more. Again she felt this strange sensation building up

inside her.

"It's okay, let go," he murmured. "I'll hold you."

Lost in his eyes, his intimate touch and pushed by his firm and steady thrusts, she cried out and he felt the

rhythmic waves of her body stroking him from deep within her.

He enjoyed the sensation until she began to relax. Then he rolled to one side, still holding her in a tight

embrace. She looked at him with tears in her eyes and he gathered her closer and held her as she cried the

uncried tears of her past life.

Tbc


	6. Epilogue, Dedication & a few Warm Words

Quite some time later, when Lorelai came home to find that the renovation of their house had been completed

faster than expected, Luke told her that he had a surprise for her.

"What?" Lorelai asked impatiently.

"Upstairs." Typical Mr. monosyllabic answer.

"Where?" Lorelai would get the information she needed.

"Bedroom," Luke said, enjoying the banter.

"Upstairs, in the bedroom….whatever could it be?" Lorelai asked, already on her way up the stairs.

Luke followed close behind her. He caught up with her when they rounded the corner on top of the stairs.

"Close your eyes," he said.

"I'm not scared of it anymore, Luke," Lorelai replied and they smiled because they both knew it was true.

The end

XXX

_I dedicate this story to all the survivors out there. Don't give up – there are happy-ends in the real world too, believe me._

_XXX_

A heartfelt "thank you" to all of you who left such kind and encouraging reviews. They have been a source of strength, and helped me write this story.

I also want to thank MrsDionysiusOGall for her super-fast beta reading and her thoughtful suggestions – I owe you!

Bagpipedisaster


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